The first thing you’ll notice about our nation’s capital is that it has lots of black people. Don’t be alarmed—they live here! Feel free to engage them, but always remember: Most of them are Democrats.
1. K Street: “Grass-Roots Funding Avenue.”
2. Museum of Natural History: “Museum of Evolutionary Theory.”
3. White House: “Kenyan Presidential Palace.”
4. National Mall: There are no food courts here. Or Cinnabons. Yet.
5. State Department: “Comintern.”
6. Union Station: “Socialized Transit Station.”
7. C Street House: The C stands for Christ. And mistresses.
8. The Palm: “The People’s Steak House.” (Recommended: The People’s Prime Bone-In Filet Mignon for $56.)
9. Apex Nightclub: Recommended for late-night fact-finding missions by straight male members who are very, very opposed to the spread of the gay agenda.
10. Massachusetts Avenue: “Street of Countries Waiting to Be Bombed.”
11. Verizon Center: Where white people and black people come together.
[Text by Stephen Sherrill]